Is sex relationship duct tape?

So I just read this article a couple of days ago, "Sex can fix it!" In March's Redbook mag (I was going to link it, but it isn't up on their site yet..check later or go grab a copy.) The point was that sex can help fix a number of issues, from feeling fat to fighting. Now I am a firm believer in the importance of sex for the relationship and know that it makes me feel sexier, but it is hard sometimes to get out of you're funk to want to, well, you get it.

So hubby and I had definitely been in a funk for a few days, snapping at each other and giving the stink eye. I also was feeling pretty pissy about my exercise and dieting hard work not showing the results I had hoped for fast enough. But I read the article while taking a bath and trying to relax, so decided that despite not really feeling like making up yet, I would put the moves on hubby. (Don't ask what those moves are because they are very lame.)

Needless to say, he was surprised and pleased. And guess what, we were snuggly and laughing the next day! And to top it off, it did one of the other things the article mentioned...revived my sagging libido. And bonus...he bought me this exercise gadget I had been really wanting but couldn't bring myself to buy because it is a little pricey. Who knew?! That really works! 11 years of not using the power on him, wasted. Haha! Just kidding, he is a great guy who does nice things like that for me all the time, but that just confirms that he deserves getting it more. Chicken or the egg, right?

Just try it out sometime. Sex is the only thing you share with you're partner and no one else (well, usually I suppose, but that gets complicated.) It creates a bond that connects you and buffers the outside world, including the kids.

* Disclaimer: Maybe I should have said 'good sex' throughout this. If you're not having good sex, contact me so we can fix that!

New Pure Romance Products-More than Ever!

Pure Romance just had it's BIGGEST new product launch EVER!  Over 30 new products have been announced, from new scents, to new flavors to of course, new toys!  To celebrate, I am offering an extra special hostess incentive for upcoming dates.  If you book a party for March 26th, March 27th, April 1st, April 9th or April 10th, you will receive one of the brand new Mini Magic Sticks!  Whisper soft, yet powerful, with 10 speeds!  This is in addition to the 10% of party sales in Pure Romance credit and $25 Pure Romance gift certificate I already give to my hostesses.  Requests for these dates will be given in the order that I receive them, so contact me as soon as possible.  (I am in the Raleigh, NC area and do parties anywhere within an hour of Raleigh/Clayton/Triangle.)

New Pure Romance Products!

Check out all of the new products, just released! Some are limited time only, so get them while you can! Email or call me to order at pamloveland@pureromance.com or 919-949-5208.

(View larger image by going to http://www.pureromancebypam.net/specials)

Patty Brisben: Intimacy vs. Sex

I LOVE this post from Patty. The question I hear most often at parties is how to get your libido back. In my opinion, it's not an issue of libido but an issue of intimacy. Like Patty says, you become almost like business partners if you don't make time to reconnect. For women, that connection creates desire.

http://www.vibrantnation.com/our-blog-circle/pure-romance-between-the-sheets/intimacy-vs-sex/

Good Girls DO Initiate!

So I'm reading this article from Redbook on the 10 Things Your Man Really Wants in Bed (http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/your-man-wants-in-bed). I don't know why I always read these things, but I do. I just always want to know more. I think at this point between all the articles I've read and the sexual health training through Pure Romance, there's not much of anything that I haven't heard of before. Well, I take that back, I've seen some things on the internet that frankly I didn't want to see. But those were WAY out there - even for me and I'm about as open-minded as one can get. Aside from that though, I always want to see if there's another nugget of info I can find to not only help my customers, but my own marriage as well.

So the first item is "Initiate Sex More." *sigh* That is one of my husband's biggest complaints - when the mood hits, I do the usual flirty girl things and if he doesn't pick up on the signals I just think, "Eh, oh well, never mind," and go about my business. It doesn't help that our arousal clocks seem to be set at different times, either, but of course he is more than willing to adjust to whatever time I'm willing! ("Wake me up for God's sake woman!") LOL!

Obviously this is an area I could use some help on. I get a lot of, "I bet you have sex AAALLL the time!" at my parties. Puhleez. Sure, I've got all the paraphernalia in the world at my disposal (you can visit pureromancebypam.net to get some..haha!), and believe you me that variety is NOT a problem for us, however I am also a mom who works two jobs and goes to school. I'm TIRED! Often sleep sounds more like a hot date than having sex, no matter how great it is! And here is the other thing, believe it or not, I am a little shy about initiating sex. I know, I know...but like most women, I have physical insecurities and it's kind of like when you need to get your driver's license picture and you put it off and put it off because you're waiting for a good hair day? (*crickets*) Okay, maybe it's just me. I know it doesn't make sense because he could care less if I'm feeling 'puffy', my hair is flat or anything else if I'm offering him some lovin'!

There's also the fact that women are traditionally not the ones who are initiating things. We grow up being told that 'good girls' don't pursue sex while men grow up trying to perfect their technique to get in our pants. So then we get into a serious relationship or get married and 'WHAM', suddenly we're supposed to turn into these wild vixens. Let me tell ya, I feel like a deer in the headlights sometimes - what do I do?! So I do what we women ARE brought up doing - I flirt. I give him looks (which he interprets as take out the trash or some such at this point), I unbutton my blouse a little ("Hey honey, Maia must've unbuttoned your shirt when you were holding her - you might want to fix that,") or cuddle up closer ("Sweetie, are you cold?") We spend too much time rebuffing their advances that they are confused at this point! My husband's theory is that the only thing lingerie is truly good for is a definite signal that they have the go ahead.

If you need help, like I do, here are some other ideas on how to initiate sex with your significant other. Some are a little more vague than others - my advice is to really go for it and do the more obvious tricks! See, you don't need to break out the whips and chains to blow his mind - just let him know you want him to blow yours! ;-)

http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/say-yes-ll?click=smart&kw=ist&src=smart&mag=RBK&link=http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/say-yes-ll-SMT-RBK

Always a Hot Topic at Pure Romance Parties - Libido

One of the most talked about topics at parties is loss of sexual desire, or libido. Changes in a person’s sex drive is common and natural. There are many things that influence our bodies and desires, so it’s not uncommon that sexual intimacy would rise and fall as those changes occur. It’s also a very personal subject because for some people and couples, a less frequent sex life works for them and they are comfortable with it. Issues may arise when there isn’t a match, or even a middle ground, between levels of desire between couples. That’s going to happen from time-to-time throughout a relationship, but if one person has an ongoing feeling of their need for that physical intimacy not being met, it can strain that relationship. And it’s not always the women who have a lower sex drive than the men. Men have a lot more expected of them these days than they did in the previous generation which can sometimes cause stress, exhaustion and a lessening of their libido as well.

• Approximately 33% of women between 18-59 years of age reported a loss of sexual desire for at least a few months over the last year. (JAMA, 1999)
• Approximately 20% of women reported a lack of vaginal lubrication during sexual stimulation. (JAMA, 1999)
• In a survey of 1,328 women ages 40 and older, 45% of women surveyed use intimcacy enhancing products for added stimulation. (Frankel, 2005)

Here is a link to moreinformation about the subject, things to do that could help and additional resources.

Pure Romance Health Education Newsletter Sept. 2008

Is your relationship sex starved?

I read this heading yesterday and thought, “Nah….we have sex ‘x’ amount of times a week, we’re doing fine!” But as I began to read through the article, it made me wonder if my husband felt the same way? Was he getting as much as he wanted?

I can pinpoint at what points in our 9 year relationship our sex lives were in a slump. (Yes, even Pure Romance girls have slumps!) Those were the times when we fought the most, were more dissatisfied with our lives and were just generally more irritable. I kind of knew that this seemed to get better after we’d had sex, but really didn’t put enough importance on the connection. My husband and I have been through a LOT in our time together. Loss of a job, unexpected death of both of my parents days apart for unrelated causes, a new baby, a big move to another part of the country where we knew no one and didn’t have jobs waiting for us and so much more. Then there are the everyday little things - kids, jobs, bills, Kung Fu, birthday parties, etc., etc., etc. We hear all the time that we need to make exercise a priority, but what about sex? What would you think if someone said to you, “You need to have sex at least 4 days-a-week to be healthy.” Now that’s just a random number because, just like the article said, if two people are both happy with ABC sex (anniversary, birthday and Christmas), than that is fine for them. As long as they are in agreement - that works for them. But often that’s not the case.

Michele Weiner-Davis says:

“Sex is an extremely important part of marriage. When it’s good, it offers couples opportunities to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy and a sense of partnership. It defines their relationship as different from all others. In short, sex is a powerful tie that binds.”

“Sex experts estimate that one out of every three couples struggles with mismatched sexual desire; one spouse is hot when the other is not. Because of advancements in medical and psychological libido-boosting alternatives available to those whose desire has waned, bridging the desire gap should, in theory, be a simple endeavor. Unfortunately, it’s anything but. That’s because millions of people with low desire are simply not concerned about or troubled by their lack of interest in sex. Nor are they particularly motivated to do much about it. Just ask their spouses!”

“Being complacent about ho-hum sex is a formula for marital disaster. When one spouse is sexually dissatisfied and the other is oblivious, unconcerned or uncaring, sex isn’t the only casualty; intimacy on every level becomes non-existent. Spouses stop touching affectionately, having meaningful talks, laughing at each other’s jokes, or connecting emotionally. They become like two ships passing in the night. Infidelity and divorce become all too real threats.”

So what do we do? It. That’s what we do. Most people feel like they need the feelings to be there - the desire and arousal - before they can have sex. But there are people that need the physical contact FIRST before they can have that desire. Catch 22 right? That’s why that even though it may take the ’spontaneity’ out of it, planned intimacy can be helpful. It’s better than no intimacy right? Often after you begin touching, kissing, laughing and just relax and pay attention to one another, those feelings will come back. I know that my husband has tried to give me a kiss before as I was running around like crazy trying to cook dinner, make phone calls, take care of something the 3 year old wanted and probably nine other things and I’ve given him a quick peck as I ran…or rather tried to run…by. He will grab me and make me pause and pay attention for just a minute, less than a minute, and that can mean a lot. We all need to slow down just a little and pay attention to ourselves and our partners.

Read the full article - better yet, buy the book. Consider it preemptive measures.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/sex_quiz.htm

Then take the Great American Sex Challenge:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/sex_challenge.htm

Dare ya ;-)

Brisben talks sex toys, lube, vibrators

Brisben talks sex toys, lube, vibrators
Contributing Reporter
Published Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Vibrators, lubricants and dildos — Yale’s Becton Center for Engineering had never seen so much action in one night.

On Tuesday night, Patty Brisben, founder and CEO of the adult retailer Pure Romance, spoke to a full auditorium of about 250 in Davies Auditorium at a Sex Week at Yale event titled “Everything You’ve Always Wanted to Know about Sex (but were too afraid to ask).”
With the help of assistant Erin Lapham and a handful of enthusiastic student volunteers, Brisben talked through the variety of sex toys that she sells through her company, which is sponsoring Sex Week at Yale, taking place throughout this week. Her products, which include arousal creams, lubricants, clitoral vibrators, male stimulators and extras that she calls “foreplay items,” were spread out behind her in a vast array of colored bottles, pink feathers and glittery powder.
The Pure Romance team came to “educate men and women on sexuality, sexual discretion and how an ‘intimacy-enhancing product’ can be key to any relationship,” Brisben said. Yalies no longer have reason to complain about not having enough sex — according to Brisben, “everyone should take control of their own orgasm” through sex toys.

Brisben focused much of her advice, which was given with a cheeky tone and a knowing look, on the women in the audience.

“If you don’t know what you like, you can’t communicate to a man what you like,” she said.
Some of the more extensive discussions of the evening were on the various types of lubricants and vibrators. Brisben stressed the point that there is nothing wrong with a woman who needs to use a lubricant.

“Are any of you taking anti-histamines in here for a cold? Do you think that those only dry up this orifice?” she quipped, pointing to her nose. “No, no — those dry up a lot of other things.”

The catalogues of Pure Romance adult products that were passed around during the event display two full pages of vibrators, and Brisben spent ample time showing how both male and female Yalies can take control of their orgasms.

One lucky volunteer walked away with a vibrator named Bob.
“He is named after an ex-husband — but if he was built like that, he wouldn’t be an ex,” Brisben joked.

Colin Adamo ’10, one of the students coordinating Sex Week, said he thought the speech targeted a demographic that could benefit from the additional advice.
“Ladies at Yale are all really stressed,” he said. “Sometimes the guys are just going to disappoint you, and you need to figure out how to please yourself first. Women who masturbate are more orgasmic by themselves.”

Overall, Brisben’s presentation was very well received by both men and women in the audience.
Ian Marpuri ’11 participated in a demonstration of Dreamsicle arousal lubricants that are for both men and women.

“I really enjoy my new versatile toy,” said Marpuri with a grin. “I think this was a good demonstration — they’re giving awareness about alternate ways of exploring our sexuality — and it was really fun.”

Other Yalies agreed, but some were a bit more hesitant about getting down and dirty with the new toys.

“All the products were really great, and it was informative,” said one girl who wishes to remain anonymous. “But personally, I don’t masturbate, so this stuff seems really funny to me.”

A lottery of students who attended the event last night will take place this week, and the 100 winners will get tickets to Friday’s “Great Porn Debate” featuring porn star Ron Jeremy. But for many students, the new info and free giveaways were enough of a draw.

Lian Walden ’09 left the speech grinning: “I got a sex toy.”

The eight-day biannual Sex Week at Yale series of events continues today with appearances from stars of VH1’s show “The Pick-Up Artist.”

Ask Patty Article: Timid Around Toys

Dear Patty,

I recently got married, but I have a problem.... I am afraid to try new things, like a vibrator. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Thank you!
Timid Around Toys



Dear Timid Around Toys,

You have done the most difficult thing regarding your fear of trying something new… you asked for help! Great job! My first recommendation is to start slowly. Don’t try to pull out the big guns on the first try. You may find that you aren’t ready for it and quit trying all together!

My favorite thing to suggest for a beginner is the Super Deluxe Love Mitten, the Romantica Lotion with the Shake and Shimmy vibrator inside the massage mitt for an enhanced body massage. This is a great way for a couple to introduce a bedroom toy into a relationship in a comfortable fashion. Use the vibrator inside the mitt for all your back and body massages. When you are more comfortable with the Shake and Shimmy, slowly try massaging new areas of you or your partner’s body! You will find the fun of vibrators in no time and will be ready for an upgrade.

When you are ready, there are many different options to help you spice things up. This includes everything from lingerie, verbal expressions, crèmes and lubricants, toys, to strictly your attitude. But, you need to do a bit of research on all of your options before you make a decision.

And to be honest, www.pamloveland.pureromance.com is the perfect place to discover new things both for your relationship, but more importantly yourself. Just remember, you have to be comfortable with new experiences by yourself before you can introduce them to your partner. If you are still hesitant on using a bedroom accessory on yourself for sexual pleasure rather than just massage, try reading a wonderful book called Tickle Your Fancy. This book will take you through some really great information about masturbation to detailed information about the different kinds of bedroom toys available and how to use them. Once you have had a chance to look through this book you will be able to slowly try new things by yourself and eventually work your way to introducing them into the bedroom.

Best of luck!

Truly, Patty