Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Redbook's "10 Sex Tools Every Woman Needs"

Valentine's is upon us and the pressure is on to have a romantic evening. For some women, the prospect that they are going to be expected to be intimate with their partners is not necessarily something to look forward to. Sad, but true. If that is the case, women I encourage you to ask yourself why not? What is making intimacy a chore rather than a pleasure. Granted, there are going to be times when you're just not into it. So many things can affect our libido, being tired, kids driving you nuts, a bad day at work (although sex might be just the answer for that bad day!) but if you find yourself saying 'no' much more often than 'yes', perhaps it's time for you and your partner to discuss why.

Redbook's article is fabulous for giving you some ideas of things you might do to add the fun back into the bedroom. I really like #10, though. (Surprised I didn't say #2 was my favorite - a vibrator? While I'm all in favor of adding toys to your bedroom repertoire, it's more important to get things right with your partner first if there is an issue there.) #10 talks about honesty. Even if it's something smaller like you're feeling a little less attractive than usual because you haven't been eating well and you feel 'puffy'. Or something more serious, like you're hurt that he doesn't hold hands with you or spend romantic time other than when sex is involved. It's important to discuss what's going on in your mind. He might be imagining that you don't find him attractive anymore (yes, guys think that way too) or that he's not been satisfying you. You know how everyone can be - we make up reasons for what is going on that are often much worse than the reality. So talk!

One of the best things I've ever heard is that women want to have sex when they feel loved and men feel loved when they are given sex. That can be a problem! So find that emotional intimacy, then the physical will follow. (Men: Pay attention there!) Start with honesty - then add the vibrator :)




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